I’ve never been one to get suckered into reality television programming. Seriously. I’m a sports gal. My TV either features a NASCAR race, a hockey game, or the Yankees slaughtering some poor, defenseless team. I watch ESPN. As a mother of an energetic nine-year-old, I spend hot summer days running around after my son and smacking baseballs into the neighbor’s yard four houses down (haven’t hit a window yet in my soon-to-be-33 years). Occasionally, I throw in a movie when there’s nothing to watch. Other times, I bury my nose in a book and transport away to another world.
However, the reality television genre has been eating away at me. I have friends who live by it – they DVR it on nights when they work/are in class and discuss the people on the shows as if they are close relatives. Samm’s always yelling at me to join him in an America’s Next Top Model marathon. Reality television shows are everywhere – in the news (Did you know that Snookie got punched at a bar the other night??? OMG!!), on DVD, being analyzed in graduate-level communication courses. And, admittedly, I’ve come to the point where I watch a few of them. Not on a regular basis, though.
. . .
Okay, fine – there was that time in 2008 when I set my watch by Rock of Love so I could see, each week, when the Tour Ended for a Certain Chick With Fake Boobs. And Say Yes to the Dress took over after the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup this June and, I must admit, has suckered me in to its world of frilly wedding dresses, fantasy, and dress-up. So much so, I even did a research project for my Persuasion class about how bridal-themed reality television shows perpetuate the notion of how women need to live up to this idealized version of beauty and have all the essential components of a wedding to enhance her femininity, while also making her wedding “perfect” at the same time. These shows are packed full of these types of persuasive messages!!
Yeah, most of my classmates were confused when I presented that befuddled mess.
But, anyway, in keeping with the bridal-theme reality television shows, I had to check out Bridalplasty. Just one little episode. Just to see what it was like. I mean, it dealt with weddings and brides and plastic surgery.
Just a little tidbit: The bulk of my research in graduate school is body image. You can see where I’m going with this.
The premise is simple: Brides-to-be are involved in this type of game show, where they have to compete against each other in challenges. And the winner of those challenges wins a prize. Easy-peasy. If she’s planning her wedding, then the prize has to be something towards said wedding, right? Maybe she wins free catering or a cake or dyed wedding shoes (Do people still do that anymore? That was SO popular when I was a kid back in the 80s!!! Yes? No. Oh. Fake plastic diamonds apparently meant to look like “bling” are now hot-glue-gunned to wedding shoes. Huh.). Anything to help with the budget, right?
NO!!! In keeping in line with America’s obsession with looks and the perfect body, the bride gets to choose from her “Plastic Surgery Wish List”!!! Meaning, she gets to choose any procedure that she wants to make herself move closer in her quest, and ultimate goal of looking like Barbie – er, perfection. The lists are impressive: Nose job, boob enlargement, liposuction, trout lips . . . ummmm, I mean, botox . . . you get the picture.
It makes my Life Wish List of a Master’s degree, a good-paying job, a healthy son, and a 2012 Dodge Challenger in Yankee Blue pale in comparison, y’know?
Anyway, here’s the kicker: The bride who wins the most competitions and has the most plastic surgeries gets to “unveil” her new, perfect look to her groom – TA DA! – the moment she meets him at the end of the aisle in front of invited family and friends. Nope, the groom isn’t there to hold his bride’s hand throughout the surgeries – the brides are sequested in this gigantic mansion in Beverly Hills the entire time. The groom (lucky guy) finally sees his “new, improved, perfect” bride right before he marries her. At the front of the church. In front of family and friends. Sounds PERFECT, doesn’t it?? Everyone SQUEEEE!!!!
I’ll be honest: I talk to my television. The first half-hour of this show, I yelled constantly. Mostly things on the order of, “You people are nuts!! You’re insane, you’re crazy!!!” However, at the same time, I realized I was crazy for actually watching this crap (but it’s for the greater good – I’m here to warn you about this show and provide analysis). This is a train wreck you can’t help but watch. Or stare at, until you realize your jaw has been on the floor for 45 minutes and you have red swirls where your eyes used to be located.
The pivotal point of this episode I viewed, though, was watching the winning bride get her chosen plastic surgery. Cheyenne, a perky blond, elects to have her nose done; after surgery where the doctors take a hammer and smash her old nose to bits (this caused my son to flee the room, gagging, while I held a pillow over my face – okay, I’m a tough chick, but that crap is just gross), the bride returns, nose wrapped in a bandage, face looking as if she got elbowed by Duncan Keith in a life-or-death hockey game, purple bruises marring her cute face, to the gasps and yells of the other brides, proclaiming her to look “BEEEEEEA-U-TIFUL!!!!!”
Well, damn, I’m glad it takes purple eyes, a nose wrapped in a bandage that resembles a white worm, and constantly leaking blood to make a female finally beautiful. Who would have thought?
One of the brides, who came close to winning the competition and having one of her plastic surgery dreams fulfilled, admitted that Cheyenne looked “beautiful,” but she wanted to be the one, the “special” one, who wanted to be in that special Recovery room, recovering from HER surgery.
Yes, the mansion is equipped with a special room marked “Recovery.” It has double doors and a big sign over said doors proclaiming it to be the “Recovery” room. Each bride who is lucky enough to get surgery is allowed the opportunity to recover in the special Recovery room.
That was the end of the episode – watching poor Cheyenne, with her hockey-game bloodied nose hobble into the illustrious Recovery room. The last shot was of Cheyenne, lying in the Recovery Room, her nose resembling a hot dog.
If I recover enough from this sickening show, I’ll watch it again. I mean, after all, isn’t it important to see which bride gets her butt lipo’ed off?
Your post is fascinating, but the show sounds horrifying enough that I'll take your word for it. The only show worse that I can think of was the one from several years ago called "The Swan" where a large number of "ugly" women competed to get multiple plastic surgeries, and the winner got transformed from the ugly duckling into the "swan" - just the concept on that one made me ill.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! I honestly don't know if I will be able to watch another episode, because the show and concept itself is downright nauseating.
ReplyDeleteI have heard of "The Swan," but I never watched it (I don't know if that's good or bad).
I have to admit that Samm and I loved "The Swan" due to it's train wreck qualities. I would tune in with disgust, and then at the end be completely amazed and in awe of how they had changed...it was my weekly brainwashing cycle. I have to also add that they gave chin implants as if they were handing out popsicles- I think everyone on that show recieved an under-the-skin chin strap.
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